Stretch Marks!

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People sometimes talk glibly about being outside the comfort zone, and if you google it you'll find lots of hits, many about getting back into it (or staying there). However, it's often where growth and significant change happens. But (like childbirth) being significantly outside your zone (and it's different for each of us) will leave you changed, possibly permanently. I.e., you may not look the same coming at as you did going in. (Just ask my wife after having delivered our daughter.)

This leads us to a way of measuring where we are - Ask yourself:

Does this [process | change | new direction | new relationship] have the potential to alter who I am, or how I see the world?

In other words, any significant personal undertaking must involve a change in you, the doer.

There are two related questions:

First, if you acknowledge that moving outside your comfort zone will change you, consider whether it's changing you in ways you like. I find it useful to periodically ask myself: "Do I like the person I'm turning into by doing this?" The "this" can range from big changes (like work and relationships), down to the daily inputs you let into your life, including how much bad news you take in, and how many acts of violence you watch. I'd argue that each one is changing us.

The second question is: How often are you asking:

What in the world do I think I'm DOING!?

In other words, moving out side your comfort zone can leave you feeling out of control, at least temporarily. Why is this important? I think it has to do with how humans evolved. As children we reveled being outside the comfort zone (in fact we are built to be outside it - it's called learning). However, when mature and reach child-bearing age, nature turns it off - makes us less comfortable outside the zone - in favor of safety. This is because as parents we need to provide a stable framework for our offspring to do the same thing - to get safely outside their comfort zones.

This means that, as adults, we have to work to get outside the zone, and that it's easy to stay in it. Hence, having manageable amount of periodic chaos is a good thing. The good news is that we can train ourselves to get outside the zone by doing it regularly. Yes, the first time it's painful (just ask me about the first workshop I put on), but it gets easier over time, and you get more resilient in the process. Plus, you're making yourself into someone you like!

So how about you? For the year passing:

• Were you out of your comfort zone enough?
• How did each move out event change you?
• Do you like who you are turning into?

Matthew Cornell, Matt's Idea Blog

Resources

• Two books I've found helpful around this are Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, and Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show Up by Patricia Ryan Madson.
• You may also enjoy Alvin Soon's article The Most Important Thing to Do: Stretch.
• Steve Leveen of Levenger says in an interview with David Allen: "begin before you're ready" (but do prepare) - there is power in acting "as if" (AKA "fake it 'till you make it"). Also, "take the plunge!" - that's where the learning really kicks in. Don't be "too smart to start."
• In the anime movie Ghost in the Shell, we have this dialog at the end:
  • Major Motoko Kusanagi: I wonder where I'll go now. The net is vast and infinite.
  • Puppet Master: Your effort to remain what you are is what limits you.
  • Major Motoko Kusanagi: You talk about redefining my identity. I want a guarantee that I can still be myself.
  • Puppet Master: There isn't one. Why would you wish to? All things change in a dynamic environment. Your effort to remain what you are is what limits you.
• From Pema Chodron's book Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings:

  A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure. It's also what makes us afraid.

Comments

[Patricia Ryan Madson]

Thanks for mentioning Improv Wisdom on your blog. It is such a kindness to me that you are passing on the word about the book. The challenges of life, living outside one's comfort zone, are always with us. I admire how you are stretching your own way of doing things. It has helped me. May your new year be filled with agreeable improvisations, and new places of growth.
Best regards,
Patricia Ryan Madson

[Matthew Cornell]

Thanks for your kind words, Patricia. Glad to help!

[Bob]

Two thoughts to add:

Unfortunately, most people in at least the US if asked what their personal philosophy is would say, "Huh???". To include stepping out of your comfort zone with intent assumes some sort of personal philosophy defining your sense of self.

Second, too many people feel that using a personal management system like GTD means crushing out all the spontaneity out of your life, and any chance of going past your comfort zone. Not So! A trusted system means you can pick how you will step out - knowing the rest of your life will not fall apart.

[Jodie]

After I found out I was pregnant with my first son, I emailed the Soft-E-Care company to ask some questions about the Soft-E-Lotion and the customer service rep gave me a coupon code for 15% off my order to help out as I am on a budget. He said the code would never expire. Thought I would share it. Very nice lotion for the money! . The 15% off code was: softe . http://www.softecare.com

[Daniel]

I kid you not. I had body building stretch marks and my wife had pregnancy stretch marks. We used this product and it worked. I cannot vouch whether it worked for every person BUT
since it isn't not too expensive, definitely worth a try for anyone wanting to rid it.

[John(Getting Rid Of Stretch Marks)Adams]

Some people are more susceptible to forming stretch marks than others. Genetics can play a role, so if your mother had stretch marks, you're more likely to have them, too. Also, you're ethnicity can influence whether you'll get stretch marks, as well as how visible they will be. Darker skinned people people are less likely to get stretch marks while fair skinned are more likely to notice little red or pink marks.

[kusanagi]

Major Motoko Kusanagi is indeed a great example of being able to move outside her comfort zone. In the very beginning of the movie you mentioned she actually falls from the roof of a very high building and yet remains altogether calm and concentrated. Last year I have been a lot out of my comfort zone, which indeed changed me greatly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience about that. It's always great to know that other people struggle with the same demons one has to face.