Opening the door to life's possibilities

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In a recent comment on another post, Occupational Adventure reader Anne asked this question...

If you have a friend or relative who hates their job, but feels very stuck either by debt or lacking self-confidence -- is there anything you can say to help them see life's possibilities? Or do they have to come to realize they can change their life all by themself?

I started to respond directly to her, but then decided that the answer merited a post of its own.

First, the short answer. While anyone can support someone else's journey, in the end the commitment to change needs to come from the person in question.

And now a long answer. Here are a couple ideas that might help anyone who feels stuck, trapped, and unable to make change.

I. Accept that you DO have control

First things first. Repeat after me. "I control my life." Far too many people hang out in victim mode, taking whatever the world dishes up for them and feeling completely helpless. If you're not willing to step out of that mode and admit that maybe, just maybe you have the potential to exert control over your own life, then none of the rest of what I am going to say here is going to matter in the slightest.

I don't mean to sound harsh. And I definitely don't mean to imply that, "It's easy, so stop whining." I know it's not easy, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. You might want to read my article from a previous issue of Worthwhile magazine, When Reality Becomes a Wall. It says a lot of what I have to say around this idea.

II. Start where you are, but don't stay there

The only place you can start is where you are. That means not getting caught up in a game of "I wish..." I wish I weren't so afraid of making a change. I wish my situation were easier. I wish I hadn't made the choices I made. I wish I didn't have so much debt. I wish I were better at...

You get the picture. The only thing the "I wish" game does is keep you mired and stuck, and reinforces the false notion that you don't have what it takes.

Any time "I wish" rears its head, ask yourself, "OK, now what can I do about it?" Make a habit of looking for solutions and possibilities, rather than wallowing in what's wrong.

II. Baby steps

[Note to Anne: This is probably an important piece of the puzzle for your friend.] Often what keeps people feeling trapped is the fact that the chasm between where they are and where they want to go seems unsurmountably huge. Cliche as it is, the old saying that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step really is true.

Rather than focus on the big picture and end result of the change you want to make, try looking at the small picture. In a word, baby steps (OK, so that's two words).

Being able to see a definite possible outcome might be too much of a stretch. It might seem like a completely different planet from where you are right now. That's OK. You don't need to be able to see how to get there yet. Just don't let it stop you from at least setting the wheels in motion.

If you can't fathom that real positive change exists for you out there, ask yourself, "Well, can I at least take a step? And after that, can I take another one?" The more steps you take, the more insights you'll gain, and the more opportunities you have the potential to discover.

It doesn't have to happen overnight, and if you're really stuck, it most likely won't. But if you don't at least start taking those small, do-able, bite-sized steps, it won't happen at all.

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Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst ^TM

 

Comments

[ShadZee]

Great article. My father always told me "the first step is the hardest". I like the way you explained the Baby Steps.

[Chief Executive Restaurant Recruiter]

Great article. Just discovered this blog and am looking forward to reading it on a regular basis.

Executive Restaurant Recruiters | Restaurant Jobs | Restaurant Recruiters Blog

[Joann]

Hi Curt,
I read your essay in "More Space" about passion and how to find it. I enjoyed your writing and wanted to check out your blog.

I have been unemployed for nearly a year and have been riding the line between being a freelancer and trying to find a full time job. I have over 25 years experience in my field of graphic design, but for some reason I never get the job offers. It drives me crazy because I don't know what it is that employers want. When I ask why did they pick another candidate I'm told "it was a better fit." I am really frustrated, disillusioned, and perplexed. Can you offer any advice?
thanks,
Joann