Humans didn't evolve to function in isolation. We are inherently social creatures, and community and connection has been an important piece of the puzzle from the onset.
So why do so many of us insist on "doing it alone" when we're wired to "do it together?"
Kirsten Johnson over at dream big has a great post on our need for the support of others. She points out how vitally important it is to ask for help, and offers some great questions.
when we ask for help, we are vulnerable and we are real. and maybe most importantly, we are not alone. by inviting others in we invite not only help but new perspectives and new ideas. two brains thinking together about one person's life can move things forward at a whole different pace.
what gets in the way of you asking for help?
what help do you want to ask for?
what agreements could you make with the people you love to make asking for help easier?
On a side note, Kirsten's blog is consistently fabulous, so if you haven't checked it out, you should. It's woth reading.
Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM
While I do agree that asking for help is good in theory, my personal experience has been that people tend to interject their own issues into their "help" and end up doing more harm than good. I'd rather try to do things by myself so that other people's feelings don't get hurt when I don't do things exactly their way, or when they think that my goal is silly and "help" by telling me to be more realistic. Asking for help seems to bring out the wet blankets in full force, which is unfortunate.
Posted by: Cara | March 24, 2006 at 09:09 AM
Cara, a couple things come to mind when I read your comment. First, I know first hand that trying to do it all on your own will severely limit you. I've experienced it myself, and I've seen it in others' paths. I really encourage you to reconsider that.
Secound, you might want to look at:
a) Who you're reaching out to
b) How you're communicating it
Let's take the first one first. If the people around you are prone to being negative, or are invested in staying stuck and try to make sure that everyone around them does too, that's going to be a big obstacle. If the people around you aren't supportive of your dreams in the way you need them to be, it's possible that you need to consciously find people who will be.
If the people around you consistently tell you that what you want is silly or unrealistic, find others to surround yourself with who won't. That doesn't mean to surround yourself with rubber stamp "yes" people, just people who support your dreams (and believe in their own), whose feedback really will have the purpose of helping you fly.
Second, you might simply need to look at how you're expressing what you need. For example, telling people how you need them to support you. People often usually well, but sometimes they don't quite know how to offer the support. So they resort to what they're used to, which is often pointing out why something is a bad idea, or can't be done, or won't work. Unfortunately, that seems to be what we're conditioned to do.
You might also tell them that you're gathering a broad range of perspectives and ideas, some of which you'll implement, some of which you won't. Tell them you're not looking to them for "The Solution," but you value their perspectives as a way to add to the pot of possible approaches.
Posted by: Curt Rosengren | March 28, 2006 at 10:26 AM
In a lighter vein, one interesting comment was provided by India's greatest Industrialist in post Independent India, Dhirubhai Ambani " The only thing you can do alone is go to the loo" That sums it up better than anything I guess.
Posted by: Hiren Shah | April 01, 2006 at 06:46 AM