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March 24, 2006



While I do agree that asking for help is good in theory, my personal experience has been that people tend to interject their own issues into their "help" and end up doing more harm than good. I'd rather try to do things by myself so that other people's feelings don't get hurt when I don't do things exactly their way, or when they think that my goal is silly and "help" by telling me to be more realistic. Asking for help seems to bring out the wet blankets in full force, which is unfortunate.

Curt Rosengren

Cara, a couple things come to mind when I read your comment. First, I know first hand that trying to do it all on your own will severely limit you. I've experienced it myself, and I've seen it in others' paths. I really encourage you to reconsider that.

Secound, you might want to look at:

a) Who you're reaching out to
b) How you're communicating it

Let's take the first one first. If the people around you are prone to being negative, or are invested in staying stuck and try to make sure that everyone around them does too, that's going to be a big obstacle. If the people around you aren't supportive of your dreams in the way you need them to be, it's possible that you need to consciously find people who will be.

If the people around you consistently tell you that what you want is silly or unrealistic, find others to surround yourself with who won't. That doesn't mean to surround yourself with rubber stamp "yes" people, just people who support your dreams (and believe in their own), whose feedback really will have the purpose of helping you fly.

Second, you might simply need to look at how you're expressing what you need. For example, telling people how you need them to support you. People often usually well, but sometimes they don't quite know how to offer the support. So they resort to what they're used to, which is often pointing out why something is a bad idea, or can't be done, or won't work. Unfortunately, that seems to be what we're conditioned to do.

You might also tell them that you're gathering a broad range of perspectives and ideas, some of which you'll implement, some of which you won't. Tell them you're not looking to them for "The Solution," but you value their perspectives as a way to add to the pot of possible approaches.

Hiren Shah

In a lighter vein, one interesting comment was provided by India's greatest Industrialist in post Independent India, Dhirubhai Ambani " The only thing you can do alone is go to the loo" That sums it up better than anything I guess.

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