When discomfort becomes comfortable
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A few months ago, I decided to take back control of my health after a year spent indulging in comfort eating. I have to admit that I enjoyed my year of eating whatever I wanted, mostly cookies; it truly comforted me during the months of anxiety preceding my son's deployment to Iraq.
It had taken quite a while for my pants to get tight, then too tight, then very tight, ultimately uncomfortably tight. I tried buying new pants in a larger size and although they fit, I discovered that it was my skin, my own body that I felt uncomfortable in. The comfort foods that had placated me emotionally for so many months had now put me in a state of physical discomfort. I was forced to admit that the cookie therapy wasn't really working. I thought I had been making myself feel comfortable but I still felt anxious on the inside and it showed on the outside.
The month my son deployed, I decided to step out of the comfort patterns I had used for the previous year. I would turn my discomfort over my baby being in harm's way to a new way of comforting myself, regardless of how uncomfortable the interim was. I had to find a better way.
I knew there was no quick fix, either to the anxiety I felt or to the loosening of my skintight pants. I set goals for myself: an ultimate goal but also intermediate goals. I started keeping a food and exercise journal so I could track my progress. It helped to have definitive proof of effort, regardless of results, as I took back control over a portion of my life that I had let go of. And it helped alleviate the anxiety too: I couldn't control what was happening to my son but I could control these aspects of my life. It made me feel better. You could even say that I grew to feel comfortable in this new way.
I imagine there will come a time when this new comfort zone will start to feel uncomfortable too, just as my previous comfort zone had worked for a time. It's like jumping into the pool and the water feels so cold, but after awhile, it feels all right, then you shiver when you get out because the air doesn't feel the same as it did before you got into the pool. Being in the discomfort zone is temporary, a transitional phase as you move from an old comfort zone to a new one, one that is often better, especially if you get to wear baggy pants that used to be tight.
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